Where Do We Go From Here?
by Mia Sedai
Summary: A prequel of sorts to What She's Doing Now. The war is over and Hermione must make an important decision. Rated PG13 for angst. COMPLETE


A/N: This a prequel of sorts to my songfic "what she's doing now". I wrote that one first, then this one, and I think it would be best to read the other one first. Kind of like a Star Wars thing, you know. =) Anyway, this is quite angsty, and it is my first attempt ever at writing angst, so don't kill me if you think it sucks. Reviews are highly appreciated as always, as is _constructive _criticism. There will probably be one more story to complete this trilogy, but I do not know when it will be posted.

And of course, J.K. Rowling owns all this, I am merely playing in her world. Thank you Jo!

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The war was over. The smoke and debris was settling all over, and everywhere she looked Hermione could see bodies. Bleeding, hurt… some even killed. Only a few remained standing, unhurt, and she was one of them.

It had been a very long day. Hermione shuddered, and put those thoughts out of her mind for later. Now she had to find Harry and Ron. They had been in the middle of it, just as she had, but somewhere along the way they got separated, and now she had no idea where they were. Feeling a slight desperation settling into her stomach she started walking around. All around her people were hustled together in small groups of three and four. Mediwizards were running around, doing what they could for those who could be saved, and making the last few minutes as pleasant as possible for those who couldn't. A few feet away she could see Draco Malfoy panting, his mother standing over him, tears streaking down her face. He probably wouldn't last the night. As she passed him their eyes met for a few seconds, and for the first time since meeting Draco Malfoy, Hermione felt a stab of pity for him. His leg was broken, and his right lung seemed to be punctured. He was wheezing through gritted teeth, but still his eyes showed nothing but hatred. And was it… fear? Hermione looked away. There had been no doubt what side he was on, and now that they had lost he would have had nothing left to live for. Not that that was a problem he had to face.

She left Draco and his mother to themselves. They weren't important. Someone else were, however, and now she was starting to walk faster, scanning the crowds fervently. No one truly knew what had happened those last few minutes, all she had heard was a loud crash, then there had been green lightning, and then… then people had started cheering all around. However it had only taken a few moments for people to sober up. Voldemort may be gone, but the price had been high. Too high someone might say. Hermione on the other hand did not think so. It had all been worth it, in the end. Now if only she could find who she was looking for, then everything would be alright.

She was nearing the outskirts now. The Forbidden Forest was rising up towards her, menacingly. Quite a few trees had been burned down during the battle, and even more were singed at the trunk, or barely standing. And there, all alone in the fading sunshine she could see a hint of red and black showing through the grass. They weren't moving, and Hermione started to run, while praying fervently that it wasn't too late. Feeling a great sense of relief she closed in on them, unable to say a word. What met her made her heart jump into her throat, and it was all she could do not to turn away and be sick. Because there, in a pool of blood, whose blood she didn't know, lay her two best friends, breathing, but barely. Harry had his eyes closed, his shirt was ripped, and his wand lay about a foot away. He was clearly unconscious. Right next to him lay Ron, his hand clutching Harry's protectively, while his other hand was holding his wand in a death grip. Hermione fell to her knees beside them, and as she did, Ron slowly, painfully, opened his eyes. His gaze looked unfocused, but he managed to meet her gaze. He tried to smile, but the pain was apparently too much.

"You look like a mess," he said in a wheeze.

Hermione could feel a lump forming in her throat, but she pressed it down.

"You don't look too good yourself, you know," she said, trying to be cheerful.

"How is Harry," Ron said again, clearly in pain.

Hermione looked over at their best friend and shook her head. "He's unconscious, but the mediwizards are on their way. You will be ok, both of you."

Ron let go of his wand and groped for her hand. She gave it to him, and he relaxed visibly at her touch.

"I'll see you soon," he mumbled, before closing his eyes.

Hermione gulped. "Yes. Soon." She held on to his hand for all it was worth, while the mediwizards started coming in from all around them. They were asking her questions, but she was unable to answer in coherent sentences, only letting out a distant yes or no when it was needed. All she could focus on was Ron and Harry. Her best friends. What they had been through no one knew for sure, but Hermione had an idea that what she had been facing the last few hours was nothing compared to what these two had seen. What they had done. She let go of Ron's hand the mediwizards floated him onto a stretcher.

"What are these two boys' names?" one of them asked.

Hermione raised her eyes to meet the man's face.

"Harry Potter and Ron Weasley," she said silently. The healer looked astounded for a minute.

"Are they really?"

She nodded. "Yes." Yes they were, and they were the two people in this world most dear to her, and now they were in mortal peril, and never before in her life had she felt as vulnerable and alone.

"Be careful with them," she said to the man as he walked away. He turned and met her eyes. "Of course, miss. I will do everything in my power to get them back to you."

The night following the last battle was horrible. Hogwarts had been turned into hospital, and wherever she went Hermione could see the injured being tended to. She had gotten away with a small check in Madam Pomfrey's office, as her injuries were mainly psychological. She was sure the images of the last day would haunt her forever, and none of Madam Pomfrey's potions would be able to remove those wounds.

The time she didn't spend helping out where she could, she spent at Ron and Harry's bedside. They had gotten a room all to themselves, hidden from prying eyes and curious spectators. Already rumours were flowing everywhere at what they had done, and if people hadn't known about them before, surely they did now. Harry had lived through Lord Voldemort's attacks twice, and Ron had stood by his side unrelentlessly, unwilling to let his closest friend stand alone. During the last couple of years Ron had grown from merely being Harry's faithful sidekick, to being an important person in his own right. His skills on the quidditch field had made several of the professional teams interested in him, and Hermione was sure that once all this had settled down they would be lining up to have him play for them. She couldn't help but smile at the thought. If Ron got to play professional quidditch he would need nothing else. He would be doing what he liked more than anything, and that would be enough. At least for now.

Hermione let her eyes sweep over the two boys. No, the two men. They had both grown so much the last year, and not only physically. The war had forced them all to grow up, and the events of the last few years had shaped them more than ten years could have done in more peaceful times. She sighed and leaned her head back towards her chair, and before she knew it she had fallen asleep, finally overtaken by everything she had been through.

In her dream she was back to the last peaceful night she could remember. Ron and she had been in the Gryffindor common room, studying for their exams. It had been the end of sixth year, and for the first time in weeks it had been just the two of them. Where Harry was no one knew for sure, but as Ron so shrewdly had suggested, he probably was off somewhere hunting for an empty broom cupboard with Ginny.

Hermione had giggled uncharacteristically much that evening. But there was just something about Ron's sense of humour that made her feel giddy and careless, and her half-finished potions essay lay untouched on the table in front of her. Instead of finishing it she was thinking about just how close she was sitting to Ron, and how… right… it was feeling. The warmth from his body was filling her up, and she was stealing glances at him as he was pouring over some book on human transfiguration. All three of them were in McGonagall's NEWT transfiguration class, but true to her nature, Hermione had finished her essay long ago, and Ron of course was doing last minute research before the exam. She hadn't even bothered scolding him for it, another very uncharacteristic thing to do. Instead she was playing with the thought of what it would be like to lift her hand slowly and play with the curls at the nape of his neck, and what he would say if she did. He probably wouldn't object, she thought, hiding a smile. It had become quite evident lately that his feelings for her weren't all the different from her feelings from him, and even though it all went very slowly, painfully slow sometimes, she added, something was happening, and she wasn't about to rush it. Tonight however, she thought she might do something, just to push him in the right direction, and just as she had gathered up enough nerve to lift her hand, someone came rushing through the common room portrait hole. It was Harry, followed closely by Ginny, and the moment was broken. It had been, Hermione thought as her eyes fluttered open, the end. The end of the world as they knew it, and the end of peaceful evenings and uneventful study sessions. But it had also been the beginning of something a lot more terrible than they ever could have imagined. The next year had been filled with fear, random disappearances, and a constant awareness growing in the back of their heads – the time was drawing near.

And tonight it had all happened. Hermione, Ron and Harry had been on their way to lunch in the Great Hall, when the alarm went off. They had all looked at each other, knowing what was to come. Then in a moment their wands were out, their eyes fixed on the door, and in a moment people had started coming through. People with masks, with long flowing robes. And with them there had followed a sense of fear, but also a sense of determination. This was it. If they didn't win tonight, all would be lost.

And then all hell broke lose.

Hermione did not know how long she had been sleeping, but when she woke the sun was coming in through the windows, lighting up the entire room. She had been sitting in the same chair for hours, and her back was starting to feel sore. She got to her feet silently, and walked over to the windows to look outside. The sight that met her was no more appealing than the one she had seen last night. There may not be so many people lying around, but the images of what she had seen still haunted her. She did not know how she would be able to face the days to come after this. Her wounds ran too deep, and although she had survived, and although Ron and Harry had survived, it was as if large bits of her soul had been ripped out forever, and she knew she would never be whole again.

And then and there, looking at the familiar, yet very unfamiliar, Hogwarts grounds, she came to a decision. It would probably hurt everyone around her, and she would probably come to regret it a thousand times, but it was the thing to do. But she could not do it yet. Not right now. She had to make sure that Harry and Ron would be ok first. Had to see to their recovery, and then she would set her plan into action.

Turning around, she heard a noise. It was Ron. She ran to his bedside, and when she came there she was greeted with a smile. A painful one, his face showed that most clearly, but a smile nonetheless.

"I have been watching you," he said quietly, not yet able to speak properly. "Your hair radiates the sun in a most amazing way."

She was a bit taken aback by his words, but returned his smile.

"How are you feeling?" she said as she sat down in her chair by his side.

"Like someone ran over me with the Hogwarts express," he groaned, causing her to smile despite herself.

"You find my pain amusing, don't you?" he laughed. She shook her head. No, not amusing, heart wrenching, but she couldn't say that. Instead she said "no. I just like your metaphors."

He tried to sit up, but failed miserably, and she winced inwardly at his apparent injuries.

"Ron, lay still," she muttered and laid her arm on his shoulder. He cringed at her touch, and she removed it quickly, not wanting to cause him anymore pain.

"I'm sorry," she said and looked away, the tears stinging her eyes again.

"Hermione, don't cry," he whispered. "I hate it when you cry. It makes me feel so… helpless."

She blinked a few time and plastered on a smile. "I'm not going to cry. Don't worry. It's just the sun is so strong."

He snorted, and she lifted her arm to pounce, then decided against it when she remembered the state of his body.

"Do you two never stop arguing?" came a slightly amused voice from beside them. Hermione spun around, and was met by Harry's smiling eyes. He had troubles keeping his eyes open, due to a large cut right above his left eyebrow, but he was awake, and that was all that mattered.

"Harry!" Hermione squealed and ran over to his bed. "Oh Harry it is so good to see you awake! I was so afraid. I thought… oh never mind what I thought. You are awake!"

From behind her back she could hear Ron snort again. "So that's the kind of welcome he gets, whereas I, Ron, gets nothing but pounces and tears."

She turned around and glared at him, sensing the obvious joke in his words. He knew how she felt. Knew that she would never be able to get through if he hadn't woken up, and that her joy at seeing Harry awake was shared between the two of them.

"Really," Harry mumbled. "We have just been through a war, and the two of you are at it like nothing has happened."

This time it was Harry who received the glare, and Ron was trying to stop himself from laughing.

"Harry mate, good to see you. Well don't you look extremely chipper."

Harry tried to turn his head and look at his friend, but decided against it. Instead he closed his eyes and smiled slightly. "Oh you know. With someone as handsome as myself it takes more than a slight beating to take away my good looks."

At this Ron couldn't help but laugh, Hermione joined in, and soon the three of them were shrieking with laughter, Harry and Ron wincing while doing so, but still laughing.

"What is so funny?" came a voice from the doorway, and the laughter subsided as Ginny Weasley walked in to the room. She was one of the few others who had gotten away without being hurt too much, and although she was limping slightly, Hermione couldn't help but thank whatever forces were out there that her other best friend was ok.

"Ginny!" Harry's voice came from his bed. His eyes were open again, and he was grasping for his glasses. Hermione reached out and gave them to him, while Ginny came across the floor.

"Oh Harry," she said desperately as she sat down by his bed. "I was so afraid." She took his hand, looked uncertainly at Ron and Hermione, then kissed him swiftly on the lips. Hermione shared an amused look with Ron, then she laughed silently, and looked at the two of them. They had been through so much, and now Hermione wished they would get the peace and quiet they needed, and the time they needed, and all the opportunities they wanted, to be together. It had not been easy having a relationship the last year, especially when one of the parts involved were none other than Harry Potter, and Hermione knew how this had strained the two of them. She turned away and let them have some time to themselves, and then started fussing over Ron.

The hours went by slowly in the sunlit room, and as the night was approaching both Ron and Harry started to look like they would want nothing but sleep, and Hermione and Ginny let them. They walked out of the room quietly, not talking, and once outside they split up.

"I think I will try and catch a few hours sleep myself," Ginny said as she left. Hermione nodded, and walked away. "Hermione," Ginny called after her, and she turned. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Hermione stared at her feet for a while, then smiled at Ginny and left. Somehow she had a feeling Ginny knew something was not as it was supposed to be, and she couldn't help but feel slightly guilty as she went to the Gryffindor common room and her own dormitory.

Inside everything was as it had always been.

"This place would survive wars and still be the same," Ron's father had said once, not knowing just how truthful that statement was. Because nothing about the familiar common room was different. Even the fire was blazing in the hearth, and Hermione felt as if she was transferred out of everything bad that had happened, and into a safe haven, a place where she would always feel like home.

Crookshanks leapt at her as she made her way to the seventh year girl's dormitories. She buried her face in his fur, and he purred lovingly at her. She scratched him behind the ears, then let him down. "I'm sorry, Crookshanks, but I have to do this alone," she said to him as she started putting a few clothes into a bag. "I really wish I could take you, but you would never fit in where I am going. I am so sorry. I know Ron and Harry will take good care of you. And never forget me." He purred in return, and Hermione sniffled. It was the only right thing to do. Crookshanks had to stay, and that was the end of it.

She sat down by her desk and scribbled down two notes. She had to hurry now. It was getting late, and if she wanted a head start she had to leave before sunrise. No one needed to know she was gone, and no one would start searching for her in the middle of the night.

She looked at the two notes and sighed for what seemed to be the millionth time that night. A few floors down her two best friends were sleeping, injured by a war that they had been in the middle of for years. She did not know how long it would take for it to sink in with them what had happened and what they had been through, and she felt a bit guilty for not being there when it happened. Yet she knew she was doing the right thing. She couldn't handle the memories, and that was all there was - memories. Both the good ones and the bad ones seemed to haunt her, and just looking around at this place made her want to scream out loud. To scream and scream and never stop. She had called this place home for so long, and now she was about to leave, and even though it hurt to the very depths of her soul, she had to go. There was no choice.

She closed her bag for the last time, leaving behind almost everything. On her desk there were two short notes. On one it said Harry, the other said Ron. She picked them up and went downstairs, looking around to see if anyone saw her. Then she headed for the boys' dormitories, listened at the door to hear if anyone was there and opened the door slowly. She found Hedwig standing on Harry's bed, waiting for her master to return. As Hermione walked into the room she looked at her as if to ask how Harry was doing, and Hermione stroked her feathers carefully.

"Harry is ok," she said reassuringly, feeling a little stupid for talking to an owl. But Hedwig hooted in response, and Hermione smiled sadly.

"Will you take these two notes to Ron and Harry for me?" she asked, and Hedwig stuck out her foot. "Thank you," she mumbled and fastened the notes. "They're in the old charms classroom." And as an afterthought she added "don't tell anyone I left ok?" Hedwig hooted dolefully, then took off through the open door. "Wonderful creature," Hermione said to herself, then she too walked out.

It was dark when she entered the village of Hogsmeade. The streets were almost deserted, and no one paid her a second look. She found a fireplace at the ruins of an old house, Hermione thought it was the remains of Flourish and Blotts. Grabbing some of the floo powder she had brought with her she stepped in to the fireplace. Then with a last look at the castle in the distance she flung the floo powder at her feet, yelled "Diagon Alley!" at the top of her lungs, and was gone.

Back at Hogwarts Ginny was woken up by a soft tapping on the window. She was sleeping by Harry's bed, in the chair Hermione had used the night before, and when she saw Hedwig outside she went to open.

"What do you have, Hedwig?" she mumbled sleepily and removed the two notes. Hedwig took off again immediately, but Ginny didn't notice. All she could see was Hermione's handwriting on the notes, and the feeling of foreboding she had had all day turned into fear. Slowly she walked over to Ron's bed, ruffled him awake, and then she did the same to Harry. They looked at her questioningly, neither very happy to be woken from their sleep. When she handed them the notes, however, they both got a very frightened look in their eyes.

"They're from Hermione," she said and sat down. "I… no, just read them."

Harry and Ron shared a look, then opened their notes. They both read and reread them several times, before looking at Ginny again.

"She's gone," was all Ron could say, and Ginny's worst fears became reality. They handed her their notes, still not saying anything, and as she read them she couldn't stop the tears.

_Dear Harry,_

_If I knew how to start this note everything would have been so much easier. But life never is, neither is writing, when you are lost for words, but have everything to say._

_You are probably wondering why you are getting this note, and there are no easy explanations. I have gone away for a time, and I do not know when I will return. I just can't take the memories just yet, and the thought of everything that has happened is haunting my every waking moment._

_Please Harry, don't be mad. And don't believe that I don't love you, because I do. But I can't stay, and I beg you not to come looking for me. You need to rest._

_I might come back some day, but I do not know when. It breaks my heart to do this, but I have no choice._

_Please take care of Ginny, Harry. I know she loves you, and the two of you will make each other very happy._

_Look after Ron as well, and try to make him understand. I know he won't, at least not at first, and maybe not ever. Tell him please that I love him also. I love him, and you alone know how much. Please make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid. I would never forgive myself._

_Harry, thank you for everything.__ I have had the greatest seven years of my life, and I owe so much of it to you. Probably more than you will ever realise._

_Again I will tell you not to come looking for me. Oh and please look after Crookshanks, I just couldn't bring him with me._

_I love you, Harry. And I will miss you more than words can say._

_Hermione.___

Ginny met Harry's eyes, and they, too, were full of tears. Taking a deep breath she unfolded Ron's note, and as she finished she was sobbing visibly, her heart aching for her boyfriend, but more than anything for her brother who had just lost the love of his life.

_Ron,_

_Before I say anything else I will beg you not to get mad. And to not do anything stupid. Please. Now that that is said, I will also tell you that it was you who was the hardest to leave. You mean so much to me Ron, and now more than ever do I regret not gathering up the courage to tell you this to your face: I love you. I love you to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach. It comes from a muggle poem, that, but it is true, and I don't think anything could have explained my feeling for you more precisely._

_Yet I have to do what I do, but I am not asking you to understand. I am just asking you to see that this is for the best, and that this is what I have to do. I can't live there any more, Ron, and as you probably will figure out eventually I have gone back to the muggle world._

_I will say the same to you as I said to Harry; please don't come looking for me, it will only make matters worse. And who knows, maybe I will come back some day, but it won't be for a long, long time._

_I need to rethink my life. And I need to start over. But again, I do not ask you to understand, only to accept._

_Please look after Harry and Ginny. They are meant for each other, and they have a great future ahead of them. Of that I am sure. Also look after Crookshanks. I know you didn't like him much at first, but I can see that the two of you have taken a liking to each other. That makes me happy, as I know he will be safe._

_My letter ends here, Ron, as does our friendship, and whatever else it was we had between us. Please do not ever doubt my love for you, and know that I will never forget you, no matter how far apart we are._

_My heart is yours, always and forever, and my biggest sorrow is that I never got to say that to you in person._

_I love you._

_Hermione._

Ginny looked at Ron, then without bothering to dry away her tears she reached over and hugged him. And as a dam that broke came the wailing sobs from her brother. And Ginny tried to remove a sorrow she knew would stay with him forever. His one true love was gone, and he had just been told him that the one person he valued more than his own life was gone. The war was forgotten for now, and in that room, as the darkness engulfed them, three teens mourned a friend and a lover, their grief as strong as the grief of those who mourned their dead on that very same night.


End file.
